do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I got inside last night via doggy door
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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