He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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