in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
