all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
this just has baby written all over it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
