when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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