Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
