so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
