She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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