One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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