I hate all girls vehemently.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
