You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
