i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
