Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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