singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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