you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
