YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
