we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
