I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
