Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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