There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
not ubering you a puppy
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
