South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
