plz talk dirty to me
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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