dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
