My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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