Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
