Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
