So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
