last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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