The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
accomplished twins. life is a go
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
