maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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