So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
