So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
