so explain again why im purple
no
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
