her vagina looked like bernie madoff
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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