i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
