ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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