I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
