someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
