never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
either way he was missing a nipple.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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