I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
