yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
