If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Green mimosas i think yes
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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