He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
