so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
