i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
