You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
