I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
