I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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