I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
