the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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