You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
