I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
