we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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